I Work All Night, I Work All Day…

*hums ‘Money, Money, Money’ under breath*

Oh, didn’t see you there!

Sorry I haven’t posted anything long and decent for a while. I’ve just properly settled back into university life, getting into the swing of things. And I still have SO MUCH to catch up on before I can properly relax…

But I thought, for the moment, that I would live dangerously, and blog for a bit, catch up with my lovely readers, and remind everyone that I am alive and well (just…)

So, this past week…

Last Monday I had my second stand-up gig ever, with the Idle Playthings endorsed event Proving Grounds, so that was very exciting. I really felt a lot more confident this time around, having confidence in my material, the time slot and with talking to an audience. Some shameless ADHD/pansexual gags later, it became a pretty smooth night. I’m really pleased that I kind of swallowed my nerves to get that stuff done, especially as I’d had a serious hay-fever attack that day, causing me to look and feel disgusting, but it was so worth battling through it to get it done.

We also had a May the Forth Be With You party, involving Cards Against Humanity, alcohol and lightsaber fights in the university grounds in pitch black at 1am. I fell over during a weird rap-battle-esque duel with my friends, and really did in my toe, with gore all over the place (I’m being over dramatic, there was blood, but only destroying my socks), so had to limp back and get seen to. I guess it just reminded me of all the amazing friends that I’ve made since coming to university, as well as the fact that even that night I made a couple more friends, which is always brilliant!

The new academic building opened last week for student’s use. I had a seminar in their for the first time, and it did feel rather odd at first. But then I found the Starbucks (we have a freaking STARBUCKS!!!!!), learned that I like Caramel Macchiato (1 shot of espresso please, not two, that would be ghastly), and that I could spend all day working/procrastinating at tables with BUILT IN PLUG SOCKETS!!!! Welcome home, H, welcome home….

I’m gradually handing work in at the moment, at least one piece a week I’m aiming for at the moment. I’ve had extra study sessions booked in with the study tutor, and my mentor, they are happy with my progress, although I’m being nagged to work more outside of the sessions, so I am attempting to, but life always seems to get in the way…

So, I went to the Sleep Clinic in Bristol for my consultation a couple of weeks ago, and they’ve basically rooted the problem down to Sleep Pattern Delay Insomnia. Which, they explained, is probably either caused by my ADHD, or the ADHD is making it considerably worse. The only downside is that they don’t know how to treat me for the sleep issues until I’m finally being treated for the ADHD, which sucks. A lot. So I had to ring the ADHD clinic on Friday, and they said that even though my paperwork was faxed to them a month ago, that they’d only received it that day, and would meet on Monday to discuss whether I’ll be put on the waiting list for treatment…

So, looks like I’ll have to carry on muddling through then…

But on Wednesday I’m reading some poetry. I think I’ll read my edited version of Grey Hearts and Dancing Minds, a poem originally written as a prose piece, but seems to work better as a long performance poem. I’ll share it on the blog today, as I think I should start sharing more of my creative work on here, as not many people like to read on dA very much. So if you get spammed with lots of poetry in the next few days, that’s why. I’m nervous, as it’s a poem that’s angry, sad, passionate, everything that I’ve never allowed myself to be as a writer. But angry writing suits me, so I’m going to stick at it… 

I’ve also finally gotten my Irlen Syndrome glasses. I’m wearing them right now, and the world looks different… nowhere near as bright as I’m used to, it feels like someone has finally turned down the brightness levels of the world, so I can function without feeling blinded by everything. I can sit and write longer blog posts, stay outside longer, and generally enjoy myself without walking into things, or injuring myself…

Life is looking up, although it doesn’t feel like it right now. Damn studying…

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The Joys of Insomnia

It’s 00:46 in Bath, England, as I sit at my laptop and write out this little post. 

Recently I’ve been put onto sleep medication, which sometimes gives the desired effect, and at other times, like tonight, where I might as well of not taken any medication at all. I missed watching a film with my friends as I came in from my monthly sushi trip with my friends from the other kitchen, and knew that I had to take my pill at 22:00 so that I’d wake up feeling refreshed at 08:30, ready to start tackling the day ahead. I popped on my audiobook, and lay back, pleased that I’d made a jolly good start with clearing all the crap out of my room to make it more suitable to live in. I can even type on my desk now, which has made my life considerably easier. 

Even so, this is a problem that has been with me since I started university. I think it’s all the stress that I’ve had, what with having to send my laptop to the hospital to be repaired, having it not repaired, and having to send it off again, so therefore unable to get the training for the software on the laptop that I’ll need in order to make my life a lot easier. I’ve had to hold back the deadlines for most of my coursework because of this, and I’m really beginning to panic about the workload. It hasn’t helped that the last two grades I got back were either the lowest pass, or one above that, which has been sitting on my mind for the past fortnight. On top of that I’ve got all the assessments for various things, like ADHD and the Irlen Glasses, as well as wondering who on earth is going to fund these things, that I as a careleaver with no one to rely on financially than the state cannot. 

I’ve always been a stressed out person, especially when I was a child who no one loved or cared about. I’d wear myself out by reading all the academic books that I could find in order to prove to everyone that I was smart, a clever kid worth spending time with me. I still remember having my books thrown into puddles by children who thought it was funny to pick on the bookish one. I stress myself out with trying to prove to others and to myself that I’m a good person that everyone wants in their lives. Yet every night I toss and turn, struggling to get a good night’s sleep.

So, it’s very nearly one o clock in the morning, and I know I have a lecture in twelve hours, followed by a two hour seminar. My sleep meds were supposed to kick in a good three hours ago. I wonder if I’ll ever have a good night’s sleep, not that I ever really have done.

Since I wrote that last part, I’ve written out my morning and evening routines, realised that they didn’t print out well, meaning that I have the job of replacing the ink cartridges (yay…) and I’ve also got a Wind Down Time list of activities, as approved by my doctor (you know, the one that put me on this medication in the first place), as you’re not supposed to have contact with a screen for two hours prior to going to bed.

So, I’m still feeling awake, but I’m really tired. Guess who isn’t going to have a good day of it tomorrow, despite all the plans that I had for the day, like finishing my room, cleaning my bathroom for the first time this year, actually making a start on some coursework. Not to mention that I have a lot of packing to do for when I leave Bath for a week. Oh, yes, I’m going home for Reading Week, and I’m rather thrilled! I do believe that a week away from university will do me a lot of good!

Or, it ought to, anyway… 

Top Ten Confessions of a Writer

I saw and thought that I would do my own version of it, to take a break from actually writing something normal (like the diary I’m doing that is being a pain to copy and paste into this blooming blog for you all to read and enjoy), and give it a good go myself.

So, here goes, ten confessions from Yours Truly.

1. Sometimes I stare at a blank page and actually shake!

Yes, I do this when I am putting pressure on myself to get something down. I have several ideas a day, but can never seem to translate them onto paper unless I am given the time and the resources to do so. I believe today I’ve written more, creative wise, than I have all summer so far. Yay.

2. I NEED a mascot when writing…

I do love giving Fred a good cuddle whlist I am writing, as he helps me to ground myself, he’s in a sense my connection to the real world, and can help me come to when I need to for what ever reason.

3. I write better when I have sugary treats.

That was how I managed Crazar in three months at age 17. I always went to this coffee shop, and had a cake next to me, which I would take a big bite out of every time I finished a chapter. If that isn’t motivation, then I haven’t a clue what is!

4. I get wound up by my characters.

ARGH! Amelia in The Chronicles of Crazar, at least, at the start of the novel, was such a sap! In the business, she is what we would call a Mary Sue. When reading the book back, Amelia makes me cringe! Then she has her moody bit, before she gets a bit better, and is a lot better by the end of the book, although she still is very Mary Sue like. Doctor Samuel wound me up as well, as sometimes he would be so blooming cryptic with me!

5. Never ask me how the writing is getting along…

Seriously, if you value your life, you will not ask me how it’s going. I will bite your head off!

6. I find interviewing my characters useful.

There was a deviantart meme going around about character interviews, and my best friend Karl got me to do one about Baron Pendragon, who is my comic relief character, although he does have his dark moments. Seriously, that interview persuaded me to do a whole extra storyline with him and a secret love child… But I digress, the Baron will always be my favourite character that I have created.

7. If I am in a mood, it’s because I’m suffering from a nasty case of Writer’s Block

I swear it’s an illness, like flu, because it completely stops you from doing what you love, writing! I suffered from it greatly at college, with the screenplay assignments, and I’ve sworn to this day that I will only write the blooming things when blooming forced to (which will happen at university, as I am studying Creative Writing). Not to mention that most of the summer has been spent in suffering, thanks to this condition.

8. I have a character, but haven’t a clue where to put him…

I’ve had this character, Arthur Stone, in my life for the past year, he sits on my shoulder, asking me all the time whether I’ll write him into a story or not. I reply that I haven’t figured him out yet, although I have had sleepless nights where I’ve argued with him, and threatened to pass him onto someone else, which usually makes him be very still and quiet. He is adorably awkward and geeky, and wears a battered old tweed jacket, and looks like a young professor (he is 21). I’m sure an assignment at university might be the place for this fellow, but for the meantime we’ll be staying firm companions.

9. I prefer to have a Mr Editor

My ex boyfriend used to be my editor, but I sacked him (not that I was paying him), as he wasn’t replying quick enough any longer, not to mention that Josh didn’t like the fact that he was playing a role that meant being quite intimate with me and my mind/work, which he felt more inclined to do himself, even though he hates reading. Sigh…

10. I sometimes forgo sleep to get a big scene completed

I rememeber staying up into the small hours writing up the final battle scene in Crazar. It was a beautiful moment when I clicked the save button as Suzanna was defeated by Amelia. Huzzah!

So, these are my 10 confessions!