I thought I’d write a post about sexuality and AS. This is because of the fact that when I was younger, I remember little old ladies whispering at church whilst I served tea as a Brownie (UK version of Girl Scouts) about the fact that they felt so sorry for me as disabled people just don’t have relationships, and that it would be impossible to find me a husband. It was embarrassing, but I didn’t think any more of it. Now I’m a lot older, and really discovering sexuality for myself, it’s high time that I discussed sexuality and autism.
Not all people are sexual, regardless on disability or any other factor. I have non AS friends who identify as asexual (no sexual attraction to anyone, however, they may still feel romantically inclined), and I have autistic friends who do want to experience sex with someone, and even settle down and have children of their own one day. I think there is still a big problem where society thinks that AS people are incapable of having fulfilling, long term relationships of any kind. You pick up a book about AS in adults, and in the chapters involving relationships, you often see the experts saying ‘Don’t worry if your AS partner is cold/unsociable, etc. It’s in their nature, so don’t feel bad about leaving them and finding yourself a lovely non-AS partner and making sure you have kids with them so family life is easier’. I know it’s not this dramatic in the books, but that’s the message you get. IT’S NOT FAIR!
I’ve been in a happy relationship now for two years, two months. We’re engaged, and getting married after we graduate. It’s all good.
So, where does the sexy time come in?
Well, like anyone else, autistic people have all kinds of desires. We can be straight, gay, bi, pan, hetro-flexible. We can also be gender fluid, transgender and cisgender. Not all autistic people are sexual, or need sex constantly. One of my friends isn’t interested in sex, not until the right person comes along. I, however, love sex! Seriously!
I am a young, pansexual autistic woman who adores being intimate. I like how it makes me feel, the sensations, the excitement, the adventure. It could be seen to be unusual, as touch can be a big thing for AS people, especially in intimate situations.
I’m the one who will enjoy sex, but can’t stand having cuddles straight after. I need to recharge myself, fix my bubble. Sex is a really strong energy that can really sap it out of you. We joke that in bed I’m like the stereotypical man, wanting to run off after the deed has been done. But after a few minutes with a cup of tea and away from it, I can come back for the pillow talk, and it’s all good.
Every person, AS or not has experiences of their own that are completely unique. Just be assured that you are not alone, and that it is OK to want sex, or not want sex, be curious, be ignorant. Just do what’s right by you, and your partner/s if that’s what you want to do.